This Is How We Do It

Saturday 24 May

Gave myself a break in the morning with a sleep-in, healthy breakfast and a few chapters of 'The Pregnant Guy' - a fun book written for someone like me; head swirling with a thousand thoughts about bringing a new person into the world. Had a home-cooked vegetarian lunch and a nap (the bliss!) before on-time.

Having asked for a briefing on the press conference I was to be involved in this evening, the PR agency came over and we discussed for a while what was going to happen. Apparently it's S.O.P. here to have no briefing, no key messages, just get up there and say whatever comes to mind. Though I found this a little unsettling, I'm enjoying the part of my job which requires me to be flexible and learn how different cultures work, so instead of going "WTF!" I probed them with questions to extract as much sense as I could (not much) and when they had gone, worked out my own key messages in the quiet of the guest house.

With an hour's worth of traffic in between us and the event venue, the car that was going to take us there failed to show up, so we jumped into a rickshaw which took us on the first part of the journey - hot, sweaty and cramped, but strangely I didn't feel a layer of grime settling on me like in Beijing. He took us as far as he could before we transferred to one of the ubiquitous 1960s Fiat cabs that ply the streets in their non-air-con and hunched up manner. While Jaymin was on edge I figured there was no choice but to suck it up and relax - I guess my training in KL with Kevin getting to the bus on time has served me well.

Eventually we sighted Chetan's car and he took us the rest of the way in the relative luxury of a Toyota Corolla, through downtown Mumbai and into a beautiful part of town with grand old colonial buildings and enormous trees which added more than a touch of class and greenery to the otherwise chaotic city.

The event was held at two adjacent clubs called Red Light and Yashab - three rooms in total with loosely executed work from the Merge, Rise and Gold collections. A bunch of TV crews and journos had interviewed me before the press conference even started, meaning I was well warmed up by the time I had to address the roomful of media. Fun.

As the party kicked off with three live artists doing their thing, I sucked back some beer and wandered around checking out the action. The live room featured a local jazz band but was pretty sparsely populated, while the dance room got more and more frenzied until it was wall-to-wall party people. I got disindividuated in there for a while and spotted a white model about 6'4" in heels - I thought she was an alien until she adjusted her bra strap. The premium crowd was in full effect, however I made my escape with Chetan before the cops arrived at 2am and uncereomoniously ordered the ugly lights on and everyone out with whistles. Our payment obviously didn't include the glamour premium.

Headed to a famous roadside stall for roast chicken rolls on the car boot - awesome. Tried a mutton roll thereafter but the texture was very turd-like so Chetan suggested not to finish it. Through the early morning traffic, getting home was much easier and again I made it to bed safely and slept like a log.

Translating Mumbai

Friday 23 May

The third Tiger Translate launch in a month got me up in the wee hours and making the five hour flight to Mumbai for the second time - caught up on some reading and made it into the Santacruz office by 11am. Spent the day working with the team on the India campaign, punctuated with a slap-up lunch across the road.

Left the office around seven and dropped my stuff at the guest house after Chetan battled the traffic and pedestrians to get me there. Jaymin then picked me up and we headed to check out the night scene - first at an outdoor cafe called Mocha where the Indian Premier League (pro cricket) was capturing everyone's attention and wallets. There was a Tiger promo going on where we witnessed the slack promoters drinking beer and coffee on the job and promptly got them sacked!

Vie Lounge was the next stop, a lovely spot perched right on Juhu Beach facing west, affording killer sunsets and the accompanying cocktails for Mumbai's Bollywood class. A few doors up we checked out Aurus, a more posh version decked out with a lavish restaurant and lounge, spacious deck and all sorts of beautiful people ready to party Friday night away. Luckily I was working so was able to avoid such decadence, and we proceeded inland to Olive - this was a white-washed art deco building serving great food and drinks, and we sat in the courtyard admiring the vision of the guy who had created this little oasis among the craziness of the streets outside.

Zenzi was our final destination and we had a warm-down Heineken at this very unpretentious but upmarket place that was refreshing (not everyone wears sunglasses at night!) for its grungily dressed patrons and lack of plasticity. Made it home at a respectable hour and crashed happily.

Tiger Translate Vientiane

Thursday 8 May

Slept solidly and got a good breakfast in before doing some work in the hotel room. Met Antz in the lobby and had lunch with the team before getting him started on the 4x2 metre canvas in the shade outside the club. Supervised the setup then headed back to get a bit more work done and pick up Don for sound check. Once that was all dispensed with I took my leave and cooled off from the dry heat in the pool for a while, allowing the thousand thoughts in my head to settle after a few laps.

At 7pm we went for dinner at Sokdy, just next to the hotel, and had more fish, veges, rice and chicken, before heading to Marina for the big show. Doors opened at nine and Don treated the early birds to a warm-up set featuring Shadow, Digable Planets and many more songs they didn't understand. By ten the place was getting into liquid phase with the help of some well-timed jiggy selections, and Antz took up his brush and finished the black outlines of his piece while the crowd looked on intently.

Big bottles were soon the order of the day and guys and girls were letting go - after he completed his canvas a few punters came up to Antz and asked him to tag their neck, their leg, their waist, and even one girl's breast! The 26 year-old couldn't believe his luck and I encouraged him to stop and breathe, have a drink, think about what he was about to do, then execute! Awesome.

By midnight Don was running low on commercial tracks and let the house DJ take over for the last spot. The capacity crowd rocked till the end but no groupies hung around for the artists - we headed for supper just down the road before making it back safe and sound. All in a day's work.

Lao PDR

Wednesday 7 May

After a break from travelling in April, I got up at 5am today and headed to Vientiane in Laos via Bangkok. With me was Don, DJ and promoter extraordinaire, and Antz, illustrator/designer/graffiti artist/all-round dude. Loading up the plane with turntables, serato gear, markers and a bag full of spray paint, we made it out of Changi safely and spent an hour or two chillaxing in the Bangkok airport lounge.

About to board our connecting flight to Vientiane however, we suffered a small setback when the airport staff said we couldn't take the 27 spray cans onboard! They had a fair argument (even though Singapore had no problem with it) and after twenty minutes of pleading on the tarmac to no avail, we said goodbye to the paint and jumped on the one hour flight to Laos.

95% jungle, 6.5 million people, very developing and largely Buddhist, Laos is the location of our latest venture and I have the enviable task of helping the team get Tiger Translate off the ground here! Greeted by Tina and To at the aiport, we hit the ground sans spray paint and with a slightly damaged turntable. Not to worry, we proceeded to check in to the hotel and had half an hour to stroll down to the Mekong River, low and dry at this time of year. The guys had a coconut juice while I tried the local Beerlao, a tasty wee beverage with 99% market share here.

From there we went to the event venue, a high-end disco called Marina. The crew were setting up in earnest and had a range of action lined up; video walls, artwork on display, a pimped out Tiger Translate DJ console, the whole nine yards. Don spent a few hours testing out the sound system and dropping his 'educational' tracks (like KRS-One and Gang Starr) in amongst the jiggy crowd-pleasers. In my bones I can feel this is going to rock.

Meanwhile the question of the spray paint was looming heavy on my mind - To had sent some guys across the border to Thailand to get Antz' preferred Nippon brand, but after some questions and searching, we managed to get hold of paints by a local brand ATM that seem to be mainly used to customise motorbikes. Antz was happy so I was happy. We proceeded to the mansion of Lao Art Media's boss where three canvases were set up, and Antz drafted out his piece called 'Golden Tiger' based on traditional Chinese kids' masks. Watching this guy in action is like listening to John Coltrane, his skill makes it seem all too easy. With Antz psyched and more paints lined up for the next day, we returned to the venue where Don was finishing up.

After a quick shower and change of threads, we headed for dinner at a lovely restarant called KCD ('kop chai de' means 'thank you' in Lao) with the whole brand team including Phong and Binh, plus the GM Danny and a radio DJ who'll be our MC. We feasted on sticky rice, tom yam soup, salad, pork and of course Tiger to our hearts' content, before heading to D-Tech, a local disco behind the Novotel. It was definitely more ghetto than fabulous, dark and loud with groups of guys and girls drinking beer with ice from quart bottles, and some dancing at the safety of their cocktail tables.

From there we headed back to Marina which was pretty quiet, cats were singing karaoke which sent Don into a sonorific trance. I sent the two guys home after that, then had a couple of beers with Binh at Wind West, Vientiane's first pub and Tiger's strongest supporter. Back at the hotel at a reasonable hour, I heard some thumping beats around the corner and thought I would investigate before going to bed. Turned out to be D-Tech again (with it's freaky sign at the entrance saying no singlets, shorts, guns or children - there's obviously a big problem with sex tourism in Laos) and was much more packed now. Had a Tiger to wind down and some friendly locals invited me to drink with them. Turned out they were a little on the agressive side and when my light bulb flicked on that they were actually working trannies, I took my leave without saying goodbye!

Gave Don a call as I knew he would be burning the candle at both ends (turned out he was working on his set and Giles Peterson's Worldwide Fetival till 7am!) - and chilled in his room for a while; brainstormed some tracks to drop and shared with him the Flight of the Conchords 'Business Time' and 'Distant Future' for light relief. The guy is working like a madman, and extremely psyched at this chance to play for a new crowd in Vientiane. Made it to bed safely before 2am, making it a 20+ hour day.